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Unanswered questions and the lack of a diagnosis – this has been the better part of my life.
For reasons I may never understand, I live in a fragile body. More fragile than some and less fragile than many. I realize I’m not restricted to bed or the hospital. And yet, the questions of “why God?” echo loud in my heart.
I live in a fragile body.
If you’ve ever felt misunderstood, I get it. I’ve felt misunderstood by doctors my entire life.
If you’ve ever questioned the purpose of something difficult, I get it. I’ve questioned the reason for aches and pains for years.
If you’ve ever been anxious that answers would never come, I get it. Every blood test came back negative. Every MRI & CAT scan looked normal.
I think I’m just meant to live in a fragile body. I’ve had a breakthrough about sickness, and I now believe that this is where God has put me – fragile and all. There is something so beautiful about the fragile places. And that is this…
To God, my heart matters more than my health.
Throughout the unanswered questions and the negative test results, God really only wanted one thing. He wanted me. He wanted me to rely on Him, lean into Him, trust Him, believe in His plans. He wanted me to see Jesus in my pain, to approach the throne with confidence, to dig into the word as a lifeline for grace.
Throughout all of the sickness, God wanted me to be His.
Isn’t that the most beautiful realization? There is a reason for the world’s difficulties. There is a reason for sickness, heartache, unmet expectations, and hurt.
The purpose is always and only Jesus.
I should say that I haven’t always believed this or understood the impact of that truth in my heart. I ran to doctors and my parents, medication and diet changes before I ever ran to Jesus. I didn’t trust God with the fragile parts of myself.
And yet, through abundant grace and unconditional love, the Lord never let go. He reminded me of His goodness. He gave me a craving for His Word. He instilled in me a deep sense of trust – not from myself, but from Him for Him.
I am still not 100% healed. I’m on my way, maybe. But there really are no guarantees of total healing.
Except in my heart.There is a guarantee of total & complete healing in my heart. #health #sickness Click To Tweet
So, as I struggle to grasp this important breakthrough about sickness, there are a few things I know for certain.
My fragile body is meant to draw me closer to Jesus.
It is meant to push my heart into the Word, to cry out to God in prayer, and to seek Him first and foremost in all I do.
Just as the bleeding woman reached for the cloak of Jesus amidst crowds of people, I am meant to steadfastly reach for Jesus in the midst of difficulty.
She reached toward his cloak with confident faith & bold purpose. She reached toward his cloak knowing that He alone held the power to change her life – not just her health, but her heart.
“Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace.” (Luke 8:48, ESV)
Your faith has made you well. Not answers. Not medications. Not doctors.
The saving power of Jesus & placing her faith in Him made her well – and gave her peace.
There are steps I can take to ensure I am living as my best self.
If my pains and limitations are meant to draw me closer to Jesus, I feel that it is my responsibility to ensure that I am living as my best self. I long to be used by Him, to be whole for Him, and to glorify Him even through my pain.
And this means that I cannot live in a fragile body without taking care of myself. I cannot be my best for Christ unless I take charge and do something about this fragile body.
For me, this looks like eating healthy. I can’t eat sugar, gluten, certain vegetables, many spices. I must be careful & wise about the food I eat. So, I cook a lot. I prepare snacks in advance. I drink protein shakes like water (only kind of kidding).
Trim Healthy Mama has been a life-saver for my diet. I use their stevia sweeteners in place of sugar. I prepare a recipe from their cookbook nearly every day. I follow their diet plan not to lose weight, but because being healthy is important for living a bold life for Jesus.
I recommend their products whole-heartedly and would not suggest their brand if I didn’t. And – bonus – their face creams and lotions are the bomb. I’m madly in love with their company, their morals, and their products.
Trim Healthy Mama has been my go-to for health advice, recipes, and products to ensure that I’m taking the necessary steps to live my best.
A slow pace of life is okay – even good.
I cannot do everything everyone else can do. Simple as that.
For a long time, I tried anyway. I wanted to be a friend to everyone. I longed to be involved in every activity. I stayed up late and woke up early. I pushed myself much too hard.
I think God is teaching me through this whole fragile body thing that slow is okay – even good. I do not have tons of friends. I have a few dear friends and they are my people. I do not commit to every activity. In fact, I say no more often than I’d like for the sake of being present when I say yes.
Being home, reading books, writing, experimenting in the kitchen – this is much of my life now. I fought it for a long time.
Dear one, a slow pace of life is okay. It is good.
Knowing my limitations is better than overcommitting.
I used to try to be perfect in every area of every part of life.
Let me tell you – perfection bogs down a fragile body mighty fast. When I learned to know my limitations – to accept imperfection in the areas of life that could be totally and completely imperfect – there was a sweet freedom.
I try hard to avoid overcommitting now. I live in freedom knowing that my best is simply that. It is my best.
There is a purpose in everything & it has nothing to do with me.
The reason for pain and difficulty, for negative test results and changing my entire diet, really has nothing to do with me. There is purpose in this process and it is all about God.
If I tried to make this post about what I’ve done to overcome sickness or how I’ve conquered living with pain, I would be skewing a beautiful story written by a beautiful God.
The purpose is to draw my heart closer to the Lords. The purpose is to find my fulfillment in God. The purpose is to point others toward Jesus.
The purpose is not me and it never will be.
Dear friend, if you are living with pain or struggling with hardship, can I encourage you to seek Jesus with abandon? Leave everything at the foot of the cross and run – don’t walk – toward your Heavenly Father.
Yes, we can change our diet, eat healthy foods, and accept a slower pace of life. Those things are good.
But remember, the purpose is not about you. The most important breakthrough you could ever have about your sickness is this: your heart is more important to Jesus than your health. He is doing a mighty work in you. So, take heart.
There is freedom in surrendering your fragile body – and fragile soul – to Jesus.To Jesus, my heart is more important than my body. #health #sickness Click To Tweet
Because I whole-heartedly believe in the products from Trim Healthy Mama, I have to share a few of my favorites. Friends talk about their favorite stuff, right?!
Their deodorant. Like seriously – it’s all natural, keeps me from sweating when we’re hiking in the Colorado mountains, and it doesn’t smell like roses. (I’m not a fan of deodorant that smells like roses.)
Integral Collagen. Huh? Yeah, I didn’t know what it was either & then I fell in love with it. I drink a scoop of this stuff daily in my coffee or tea. It helps with my energy levels, sore joints, and provides extra protein. Win, win, win.
Pure Stevia. This is my go-to sweetener since I can’t eat refined sugar. It sweetens my coffee, smoothies, tea, and many desserts. Bonus – you only need a little, tiny, baby amount each use.
Face cream. I hardly ever wear makeup because of this stuff & that is a beautiful thing. It doesn’t smell weird (okay, I might have an obsession with the way things smell) and it’s all natural. It’s gentle, smooth, and cheap. One jar of this lasts me six months & I use it twice a day. The orange cream is also awesome if you don’t have sensitive skin.