When I was a little girl, and even into my high school years, I had this picture in my head of what life would be.
I dreamed of perfection. I dreamed of the ‘ideal’. I dreamed of my own plan, my own intentions for life.
After much surrender and some messy fighting back, God has jumped right into the center of that perfect puzzle and shattered my hard work. He has taught me about the beauty of change. I had really fought to ensure perfection. I had dreamed big about the future, taking control without second thought.
But sometimes, when you don’t want to be interrupted and you really like perfection, God shatters the pieces of your puzzle.
And it turns out to be glorious.
Now, I’m going to be vulnerable and tell you what my childhood dreams included. Don’t laugh. Promise?
I dreamed of marrying a big-time doctor or someone who wore suits to work every day. I longed to live in a huge brick house in a gated community with three kids and one lazy dog. My house would look like a catalog and the meals I cooked would always be organic. I would be the perfect friend, mom, wife. I would plan my days to be efficient. I would jog every morning. I would make breakfast daily with a happy smile. I would host parties and bible studies, making sure the bowl of punch sat perfectly next to that plate of small little sandwiches. Messes? No way. Friendships? Lots. Vulnerability? No, too scary.
And I wholeheartedly believed that this was what I wanted.
I kept this picture-perfect, fake image of my future in my head for years. I never pondered that the Lord could shatter my thoughts of perfection. I never let go of control long enough to open my eyes and see His bigger picture.
He has humbled me. The Abba Father has given me a new perfect.
Now, before I go on, I must say that this journey was not always easy. I fought it. Hard. Yet God knows my heart. He knows what I need, and even deeply want, more than I do.
He knows that I secretly want the ruggedness of my husband to shine every day – the dirty jeans, old work boots, and beard scruff. He knows that I want the hectic craziness of many kids. He knows that I long to be healthy and organic, but that I also want to be okay settling for delivered pizza every now and again. God knows that I want to be the friend that opens my home to anyone in need – clean or not. The friend that accepts interrupted schedules and unplanned play dates.
God knows that I want to be able to discover scribbles of Sharpie on the freshly painted wall and decide that I can’t wash it away because the picture reminds me of the child’s innocence. He knows that I long to be the mom that is okay with messes, but struggles in grace. That the dishes can wait when a skinned knee is bleeding. And that laundry? That a little dirt never hurt. To believe that vacuuming and dusting and scrubbing are trivial when you have a baby who’s only a baby so long.
And He knows that if there’s mud, I want my kids to play in it. If there’s rain, I want to laugh through it. If there’s hardship, I want to be vulnerable with it.
A real wife. A real mom. A real friend.
God shatters dreams of perfection because He longs for us to be real.
And when you allow God to do the shattering and the rebuilding, that puzzle I was talking about?
It will turn out more beautiful and whole than ever before.
Do you dream of perfection? Have you allowed God to step in and take control?
P.S. It’d be an honor to have you join the community at Life of Scoop! Grab a FREE 6-day email study about trusting God steadfastly for doing so! Because, hey, trusting God with our future always take a bit of extra encouragement. Let me walk beside you, will you?