5 Powerful Tricks for Supporting a Discouraged Spouse

When my husband feels burdened, I feel it too.
When he’s down & out, frustrated & spent, I feel it too.
When he dreams & laughs, I feel it too.

That’s what oneness does to you. It’s an incredible gift from God that connects us to our spouse in a relationship we will have with no one else.

It’s exciting. It’s an honor. It’s one of my greatest joys.

Those discouraging. down & out, frustrating days happen to all of us, don't they? But as wives, we often don't know how to respond when our husbands experience a discouraging day. It's important to support him. So, here are 5 ways to support a discouraged spouse! They are practical, simple, and effective.

I love being married.

And, having been married to a man who feels burdens, dreams big, laughs crazy, and has a frustrating day every now & again, I feel that I have a job – a responsibility – to encourage his heart.

Because oneness is a gift. And I need to honor that gift by encouraging, loving, and being supportive for our marriage.

So, when my husband has one of those down & out days, I can encourage him

  1. By praying for him.

I can pause what I’m doing, close my eyes, praise God for the gift of this man, and ask that the Lord would encourage his heart. I can ask for God to bless his day, to equip him with the skills to get the job done, and to help him to find joy in the little things.

This is probably the most essential thing I can do in those down & out moments.

Don’t hear what I’m not saying. I’m not saying that you should pray for God to change your husband or make him happy. I am saying that you can prayer for your husband to find encouragement, to feel peace, to experience blessing, etc. There’s a fine line between praying for a different husband and praying for an encouraged husband.

  1. By pointing him to Jesus.

This doesn’t happen with a Bible-beating, you-should-be-reading-Scripture attitude. Rather, it happens when we choose to serve & love with a grace-filled heart.

The next time your husband feels frustrated or stressed, stop & be the hands of feet of Jesus. Maybe that means setting down your phone to hand him a wrench. Maybe it means putting everything aside to go for a walk. Maybe it means a quick hug, a back rub, or a simple smile.

Throughout the Scripture, we see Jesus being present in the moment with those around him. He didn’t allow distractions or worries to keep him from those he needed to serve.

What’s distracting you from serving your husband like the Lord served those around him? Your phone? A hobby? The kids? A hard heart?

Fight this temptation with all you’ve got. Choose to be present. Put away the distraction & serve well.

  1. By asking him to tell you more.

There’s a common misconception that men don’t want to talk about their feelings.

Well, I want to squash that lie right now and tell you that your husband is most certainly waiting to tell you more about his work, his friends, his day, and his heart.

This is oneness in action – caring enough to listen with ears to hear, rather than to respond. Sometimes you just need to listen, dear wife. Sometimes it’s not about your response, your answer, or your fix to the problem.

Sometimes it’s just saying, “Tell me more about that.”

Those discouraging. down & out, frustrating days happen to all of us, don't they? But as wives, we often don't know how to respond when our husbands experience a discouraging day. It's important to support him. So, here are 5 ways to support a discouraged spouse! They are practical, simple, and effective.

  1. By staying positive for yourself.

It is all too easy to get dragged down into the down & out spot right with my husband. But you know what? I think it’s important for wives to fight for positivity & hope.

Oftentimes it’s difficult to feel hope when you’re in that place of frustration and sadness. So, if you find your man there, choose to remain hopeful, positive, and happy.

This doesn’t have to be outright words of positivity. In fact, you may want to save those for another day. But choosing to seek hope for your home, your husband, and your own heart during the down & out moments means that you’ll be waiting to give words of encouragement when the time is right.

  1. By living carefully.

Do you know how powerful you are, dear wife? You influence your children, your home atmosphere, and your husband.

So, I’m not talking about walking on eggshells here. Rather, I’m suggesting that we live with intentionality in our words, actions, and attitudes.

Gentle answers, a hope-filled attitude, and peaceful conversations go a long way in ministering to our husbands. In fact, the absence of these things truly takes a toll on a man’s heart.

By being careful with my words, my tone, and my attitude, I can remain supportive and encouraging. I can minister to my husband’s heart because my heart is rooted in the right place – Truth.

All in all, encouraging a discouraged spouse is about one thing: relying on Jesus.

Every spouse in every home across the nation will experience those down & out feelings, the difficult moments that leave us wishing for a whole day in bed. So I encourage you, as a wife & influencer of your home, to please do this well.

Prepare your heart. Lean deeply into the person of Jesus so that you can be the person of Jesus to your spouse.

A sweet friend of mine, Kaylene Yoder, wrote a prayer & fasting journal for wives. Let me tell you, this devotional journal is my new favorite accompaniment to my morning quiet time. The pages are beautiful, the prayers come from a grace-filled soul, and the power of praying daily for your man – priceless!

I am not an affiliate for this book. I’m just sharing the link with you here because I believe every woman needs this resource. Begin praying powerfully today for your husband!

Click to read more about the book on Amazon here!



8 thoughts on “5 Powerful Tricks for Supporting a Discouraged Spouse

  1. Great post Alison, that is so helpful even for encouraging the other men in our lives (my Dad for e.g.)! Will definitely save this for future reference …

  2. I know I am only reading this a long time after you posted it, but I really needed to read this today! My husband and I have recently immigrated to a new country and my husband has decided he doesn’t want to find a new church, after years of being part of a church family and my heart is broken. My husband is a wonderful man of God and I just dont know where this is coming from. I have been desperately seeking ways to encourage my husband and try to understand what he is going through in a time that has left me feeling sad and scared. This post gives me hope as his wife, that Jesus sees us and can heal his hurts and draw him back. Thank you for reminding me that God is in control and I just need to put this in His hands and be an encourager instead of trying to be a fixer. Thank you

    1. Hey Melanie! Thanks for commenting and sharing your heart. You are so right – Jesus DOES see you and your husband, and He does have the power to draw your husband back to Himself. I’m saying a prayer now as I write this for perseverance as a wife, and for encouragement and conviction for your husband. Sending a friendly hug!

  3. I love this whole article – but the tip for staying positive & hope-filled hit me real hard! That’s just the wakeup call I needed. I struggle a ton when situations look bleak or my husband is discouraged, but you’ve inspired me to draw nearer to the Lord, who will give me his strength so that I can be a wife with a more positive outlook!

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